Thursday

As of this morning I am formally initiated into the "good day, bad day" phenomenon. I mean, until you live with it a while it's sort of surreal. Come to think of it, living with it is surreal enough. As of last night I was about 90% sure we were going to have to call Frances. But then Alex arrived, Lila rallied, had a good night, and this morning was more animated than I've seen her since Wayne and Donna were here (they're coming again tomorrow). So another reprieve. I thought my heart would burst last night, but today I feel at peace again.

Today so far: she ate a little breakfast, was interested in the proceedings of the day (the rescued blue jay, plus Frances came to get two of my cats - we are slowly and which much support from friends and well wishers, getting them all spayed/neutered so at least they won't be reproducing - Frances is like a gift from the gods, but that's another story altogether)...I was very pleased with Lila's demeanour and attitude this morning, but I was careful not to let her eat too much. It's easy to get overenthused because your sick dog is finally eating - but I've noticed that she seems to have difficulty digesting a full meal, so we do smaller ones with as much variety as I can get into her. She took one of the salmon cookies and trotted off with it,well- pleased with herself - but then seemed unable to chew it. I broke it into pieces and she sort of collected them all like a little treasure, and lay on her bed glaring menacingly at Daniel, as if to say "Make my day"...he is exuberantly loving toward her and she just cannot abide any of it. That can be a hard thing to co-ordinate.
Oh God - all of it's hard right now, really.

But today has been gracious to us. Frances took Leopold and Evita off (Tuck was to go too, but escaped, and here's me thinking it's Leo that's possessed. Tucker actually broke through the door on the cat carrier.); I saved the jay; Lila is in "old dog" mode as opposed to sick dog mode - and Dan and I had a magnificent walk. The weather is extraordinarily autumnal here - some peculiarities of light, sky and the cool cool air - gorgeous. He ran a good 45 minutes - eyes crossed, tongue lolling out, zigzagging past me like he doesn't know who I am, just full throttle hound - and is actually, dare I say it, tired now. It's especially important for him right now to run off the stress. Dan is amazingly clever and tuned in, but a young soul all the same (which might be the Universe's way of helping me recover from my last Ridgeback being Confucius in dog form..or maybe WC Fields.. ) Watching him run, looking at the fantastic shape he's in (yes, that's a brag!) does my heart good as well.

I'm working on a batch of chickweed, burdock, calendula and marshmallow ointment for a friend with eczema. Making stuff always grounds me.


It's painful to admit that the palliative takes such a toll, but it does. I really need a few hours off all of it. Wouldn't a trip to the village, a litttle shopping, a few glasses of wine on the patio by the river be just wonderful about now. I can hardly remember what that's like anymore. This summer I have to start taking a bit more care of me, as they say - you know, on Orpah,lol. If I ever start sounding like Dr. Phil, just shoot me, please. But that's the jist - I am not at caregiver burnout yet, but I may well be and I will need some retail therapy, not to mention chilled Riesling on various patios. There is more to life than dogfood - I'm sure of it...riiight??

Well enough about me. I'm not the one who's leaving, not the one who's ill. Dan and I have plans - big plans, we're headed to a great adventure together in a new phase, and I've made him some pretty big promises. I will have to keep busy to keep the tears to a minimum, for his sake. I'm concerned how losing Bo will affect him too of course. But there is all this time ahead for us when this phase is over. What has to be remembered is this is my very best friend in the world - one who has never let me down... who has walked by my side for 13 years through thick and thin - one whose darling little face and sweet ways can never be replaced and will stay with me always.

Tomorrow I hope will be celebratory. Wayne and Donna are coming and we're going to eat, drink, rant(I have Wayne hooked on Qabalah now, lol) and just enjoy the weather, the company, the abundance - and of course, the Bo.

Or as we say around here: Maximum Bo power. One more time.