Sunday

Mother's Day. And I am so glad I didn't have to make the call today. In fact her improvement seems to be continuing. She went through the same pattern - not well in the morning, refusing food, seeming down, and then when my friends Wayne and Donna arrived she became quite animated, and we brought a bed out of the office so she could lie under the kitchen table and be near the action. She ate a very little then but much more later on - devoured some poached liver, plus the usual turkey and milk. Some bits of cheese.

Later on I took her for a short leash walk but she seemed tired. Overall a lot brighter. I am working hard not to convince myself we have remission. We have a bit of time, that's all (and that's so much.)

Dan was an absolute delight today. Oh how I adore the bones of him, he is such a sweet, happy, upbeat and loving little being. He loves Wayne and Donna and had a riot as usual even without Gracie (Wayne and Donna's lurcher, we decided it's too much of a strain to have a canine visitor right now). He's such a source of strength to me I can't describe what he means to me. I'm just humbled and awed by the gift he is in my life.

I got a Mother's day present of four solar lights for the back yard, and a flashing night collar for Danny which I had really been wanting. Donna brought chicken and buns and cheese and we just had an impromptu meal and some company. Good allround, I feel cheered and strengthened by the company. Wayne's coming back tomorrow to help me with some yard stuff and I can't express how much the help means at this stressful time.

Tuesday we go to the clinic again. I have discontinued the mega-B vits and the homeopathics. I didn't mean to sound so dire, when I wrote "they won't work anyway". I just need to follow my own heart now. That's partly what I meant by Lila healing me - helping me re-connect with those wellsprings of healing and intuition, things I have come perilously close to losing in the quest for more scientific knowledge. In my heart I see nutrition as part of a whole healing package and I have thought often lately that because I have a good deal of knowledge in nutrition I have lost touch with my intuitive, holistic side. Lila's illness has thrust me almost violently back into this role because I knew right from the beginning I would need to tune in deeply and listen now. Dr. B would never approve of this diet, for example, but he would also support my decision to just let her have what she wants.

And right now she wants me ot get off the pc and go take care of her. So that's where I'm headed and I hope I can get her up to bed so she can sleep beside the beings who love her so much, with all our hearts, it's important for her to be wrapped in the arms of all this love while she rests, and important to be close to me should anything go wrong in the night.

We'll see what tomorrow brings.