Here's What I Thought....

...back in the weeks I was writing this blog, I thought that you and I had fought the good fight, we were blessed to find each other, the pain of losing you was part of the deal we make with life when we commit to love, and that I would be ok as time passed, like I was with Luke, things would ease and I'd feel more at peace and less intense as weeks, months, years passed away.

Well, Bunny, as is often the case - I was wrong.
This Christmas is unusually and unexpectedly hard. I feel let down by human friends - to such a degree I can't express it - but with them, I can rationalize, understand - explain. With the loss of a dog like you - an Anam Cara, a friend throughout time - I am at a loss to express how difficult it is. You of course, never let me down, but I often felt I let YOU down - I was a pretty good Mom but if we really understand how short a time we have, I think many of us would be even better.

Still, you were cared for and respected and loved so much, I take comfort in that more than i dwell on the imperfections. You showed me many things I needed to work on, and I did work on those things - you made me a better person in so mnay ways. I often say wouldnt be doing the work I am right now if I had never had you and if YOU hadn't had so many problems at such an early age. we did pretty well, for a pair of New Age flakes, as your Dad often put it.

I miss you, Bo. I miss you more as time passes. I wish I could have one more day, even. Please come back, I know we said (half jokingly) Scottish Deerhound - but right now, I think I'll know you when I see you. And you undoubtedly will be an elegant, graceful, subtle breed. Or mix. Just as long as it's you, it doesn't matter at all.

I put your stocking up yesterday alongside Dan and Tina's and the cat's. Jasmine will be here for Christmas, she's an old lady now and we've made our peace. She misses you. Danny misses you.
I miss you more than anything.
Mommy loves Lila, so much love Lila.