Worse as time goes by

It does seem that the longer I have to be in this world without Bo, the harder it gets.

Things come to mind all the time, things that just filter through the brainwaves then settle and drift away.

Imagine if I'd never found her, and how easily I could have just capitulated that May even to going home, when I said to Alex, let's drive a bit more. He never wants to do one minute of a thing more than he absolutely has to; he wanted to call it a night. Yet I insisted - that can be the prerogative of the sick (and I was very, VERY sick). So we drove on, and by the grace of the gods, there she was. Whatever would my life have been without that infusion of grace, that showed me how good a person I can be (and we all can be?)


On her shrine, I keep a stack of her pictures, from babyhood to her last few days, and every morning I switch over so there's always a new one there. Sometimes it's the innocent face of my baby Bo - back when her main nickname was Chickpea - and sometimes, it's the white faced old love I had to say goodbye to so recently. Always it's the depth, humour, wisdom, sweetness. I know she is not the only dog in the world with these characteristics, but she was the only one in my world, who loved ME and lived with and depended upon me. I miss her more as time goes by.

But then - had her, didn't I. All that time. All those years. Only me. I can focus on her absence, large as the sky, or her presence here, and what she gave me. Would that all of us had such a gift.
Ah, but i miss you, sweetface, and it's not abated in any way as yet.