Selah

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSUA_E0Ce4A&feature=related

My first autumn without you, and this was so much our special time. Today was so beautiful, one of those heartwrenching Gatineau Hills fall days where the intensity of the light is almost unbearable.. the Merlin soared around us, various huge ravens that are always nearby...the air so cold and crisp and life feeling just..perfect, as it is. except for the missing shape, the one laways beside me as far back as I can recall..and the one most present now is yours.Dan, Tina and I walked through the back, she was wearing Luke's harness. I felt you all around and through me, everything you taught me, all the strengths you brought out in me, all the transformations my loving you so much entailed. And I looked at Tina rolling on her back in the grass, wagging her tail with bemused delight to be free and alive and in this holy place, and I know I am only able to do things like rescue now because YOU showed me how much love I really have inside. She would be dead without you, without the love you gave me that I now can pass on. She was never adored and cared for like you were, her bad condition shows that, and then to just leave her alone in that shelter...aren't you happy somwehere, smiling your dear little wise smile, knowing we did this, you and me, we took her home, we give her some of the joy we shared when you were here.

Oh, but I miss you, my litlest angel..and the fall is a terrible time to be engulfed in sadness. We do carry on endeavoring to be happy. Christmas is yet to be faced.
Mommy loves lila - always love Lila, so much love my Bo.

Just to let you know we are ok, we are strong,and we know you are here.

If I Could Be Where You Are

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4uI-jrIxog&feature=related

Where are you this moment?
Only in my dreams.
You're missing, but you're always
A heartbeat from me.
I'm lost now without you,
I don't know where you are.
I keep watching, I keep hoping,
But time keeps us apart

[chorus]
Is there a way I can find you,
Is there a sign I should know,
Is there a road I could follow,
To bring you back home?

Winter lies before me
Now you're so far away
In the darkness of my dreaming
The light of you will stay

If I could be close beside you
If I could be where you are
If I could reach out and touch you
And bring you back home
Is there a way I can find you,
Is there a sign I should know,
Is there a road I could follow,
To bring you back home to me

xoxo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z97_bH_dwc4



How I needed you
How I grieve now you're gone
In my dreams I see you
I awake so alone

I know you didn't want to leave
Your heart yearned to stay
But the strength I always loved in you
Finally gave way

Somehow I knew you would leave me this way
Somehow I knew you could never, never stay
And in the early morning light
After a silent peaceful night
You took my heart away
And my being

In my dreams I can see you
I can tell you how I feel
In my dreams I can hold you
And it feels so real

I still feel the pain
I still feel your love
I still feel the pain
I still feel your love

And somehow I knew you could never, never stay
And somehow I knew you would leave me
And in the early morning light
After a silent peaceful night
You took my heart away
Oh I wish, I wish you could have stayed

The concept of Lila signifies Freedom

Lila (Sanskrit: लीला), or Leela is a concept within Hinduism literally meaning "pastime", "sport" or "play". It is common to both monistic and dualistic philosophical schools, but has a markedly different significance in each. Within monism, Lila is a way of describing all reality, including the cosmos, as the outcome of creative play by the divine absolute (Brahman). In the dualistic schools of Vaishnavism, Lila more simply refers to the activities of God and his devotees, as distinct from the common activities of karma.

It was a long time ago the name came to me, and I always pronounced it L- EYE-la. In Sanskrit it is Leela. but you always meant sacred play, to me, you little minx. Even when I found that L-EYE-la meant "dark as night" in Hebrew, and that you were too.

Your role in my life was definitely the "activities of God" however one understands that concept.


You loved me in all my aspects; me the religionist, the academic, as well as the Irishwoman, overemotional, a little crazy, and you loved the silly me, the serious me, the girly me - any me that smelled like me, and you never let me down. Worth 2000 of most humans I know who drop others like a hot potato once it becomes inconvenient! You understood respect as well as love, humour as well as sensitivity, and you never questioned me directly, although a few choice looks would tell me you were not fully appreciating whatever I was doing at the moment.

I miss you so much, Bo. I know you are getting back here as quickly as you can. I heard you last night...what a lambie dog you are.
I have saved all your lambs so you can play with hem again, when you get here. Dan almost got your goat the other day, but it was like he knew he shouldnt destroy it, so he just carried it around a while.


SO much love Lila!!

Ram Shanker Misra in "The Integral Advaitism of Sri Aurobindo" -

"Brahman is full of all perfections. And to say that Brahman has some purpose in creating the world will mean that it wants to attain through the process of creation something which it has not. And that is impossible. Hence, there can be no purpose of Brahman in creating the world. The world is a mere spontaneous creation of Brahman. It is a Lila, or sport, of Brahman. It is created out of Bliss, by Bliss and for Bliss. Lila indicates a spontaneous sportive activity of Brahman as distinguished from a self-conscious volitional effort. The concept of Lila signifies freedom as distinguished from necessity."

I miss school. I miss the Religion department. I miss feeling centered. But more than anything I can think of, I miss you.

What a lambie-dog you are.
Th concept of Lila signifies freedom.


Find me soon, please. Dan and I are like two old chickens here. We need the rainbow! We need the balance.
We need the freedom.

Mom

Just thinking how sweet you were

Hi Bo....
I was just talking to Luke, and taking a little break here (still crunching numbers all day) and I looked at a few of my favourite pics. You were so sweet! Did I not tell you a 1000 times a day? And were you not tolerant, wise, funny and GOOD? You were indeed, my eleganza. So before I head back to work,more coffee and a quick roll- around in the yard with that little demon...I just wanted to share a few more Bo-treasures with the world.

Danny is well; we lost Ogden, and my heart aches, but it cannot break, because it's been so thoroughly shattered it grew back made of rubber, and it will only ache now; the first cuts are indeed the deepest, or as Dylan Thomas said "after the first death, there is no other".
I miss you, Bonobo. You, Dad, Luke and John - I am so glad to have the demon or what would I do?
Take heart knowing for all he annoyed you, he's helping me be ok.


Look at you!

Miracles do happen and you were one

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgZN2br6lgw&feature=related

Worse as time goes by

It does seem that the longer I have to be in this world without Bo, the harder it gets.

Things come to mind all the time, things that just filter through the brainwaves then settle and drift away.

Imagine if I'd never found her, and how easily I could have just capitulated that May even to going home, when I said to Alex, let's drive a bit more. He never wants to do one minute of a thing more than he absolutely has to; he wanted to call it a night. Yet I insisted - that can be the prerogative of the sick (and I was very, VERY sick). So we drove on, and by the grace of the gods, there she was. Whatever would my life have been without that infusion of grace, that showed me how good a person I can be (and we all can be?)


On her shrine, I keep a stack of her pictures, from babyhood to her last few days, and every morning I switch over so there's always a new one there. Sometimes it's the innocent face of my baby Bo - back when her main nickname was Chickpea - and sometimes, it's the white faced old love I had to say goodbye to so recently. Always it's the depth, humour, wisdom, sweetness. I know she is not the only dog in the world with these characteristics, but she was the only one in my world, who loved ME and lived with and depended upon me. I miss her more as time goes by.

But then - had her, didn't I. All that time. All those years. Only me. I can focus on her absence, large as the sky, or her presence here, and what she gave me. Would that all of us had such a gift.
Ah, but i miss you, sweetface, and it's not abated in any way as yet.